Is failing something you avoid? Is it something that frustrates or angers you? Do you get sleepless nights when you fail at something?
If you’re the type of person who abhors failing and would feel like a total failure whenever things don’t go according to your plan, don’t worry. There are literally 7 billion plus people in the planet and you’re not the only one who feels that way. As a matter of fact, being outraged when you’re failing or when you fail at something is pretty normal. It’s the default human reaction.
But there’s another type of people who welcomes failures. These people have accepted that failing is a natural part of the process. Be it the process of being a parent or the process of learning something new (like photography) or the process of falling in love, failing for them is not an “if” question, but rather, a “when”.
Me? Oh, I’m part of the first group. I hate failing. I’m outraged each time I fail at something.
LOLJK not really. I’m the I-failed-but-I-wonder-why type of person.
Why do we hate failing?
Blame it on society and our parents and our educational system.
From young kids up until our Uni days, the idea that failing is bad and should be avoided has been hammered into our brains.
Of course! What kind of parent or teacher would want to see their kids or students fail? Probably the psychopathic one, you would say. And since everyone wants to succeed and nobody wants to fail, naturally, failing is frowned upon or laughed at by our society.
PS. If you’re the type who laughs at other peoples failures, I hope you step on poop on your way to a really important interview or while on a date with your crush.
But just because you were raised with that mindset doesn’t mean it’s the kind of mindset you have to live with for the rest of your life.
You will fail and that’s okay
You will fail. A lot. Most of the time, especially when you’re trying something new, immediately you will fail. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or it’s small. Ninety-nine percent, I guarantee you. You. Will. Fail.
And that’s okay.
You can either fail and fall on your face flat on the ground or you can fall on your feet. I presume you would want to be landing on your feet. The thing is, if you don’t anticipate and accept failure as part of the process, you will be caught off guard when it happens and when it does, you will most likely fall on your face.
Failing makes us tough
I remember the time when I was still doing multi-level marketing. I would talk to my friends, random people, their friends, and people on the internet for hours and hours trying to “convince” them of the business model I’m offering. Out of the 10 people I would talk to, 11 would say no.
But did I falter? No. Did I quit? Hell no. I shrugged it all off and moved on. I took what I learned from the previous “talks” and moved forward. Eventually after four months and what seemed like almost a thousand people I have talked to, someone said yes.
You see, the world isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. It’s a mean, nasty place, and it will eat you out alive if you’re weak. We were given the idea that, as long as we do good and follow the rules, we are going to succeed and we are never going to fail. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy.
We will fail. But each time we fail, a bit of padding is added to our armor. And eventually we can use that armor to face the real big challenges that would come along the way.
That’s what makes failing necessary. Without the experiences of failing at something, we would be facing the world skin and bones with nothing to protect us and our fragile hearts.
Failing isn’t the end
Some people when they fail, they think that that’s the end. That’s it. End of the line.
I respectfully disagree.
Failing is only a curve in the road, obscuring your vision from the real finish line. It’s only a pit stop, a place where you take a quick break to change tires and fill-up your gas to do it again. Think of it as a big boss that you have to beat in a game you’re playing. And that game is called The Game of Life.
The only time that you failing is the end is when you actually decide to quit. And as long as there is breath in your nostrils, as long as you still wake up in the morning, there is hope.
Just because you are failing doesn’t mean you are a failure.
“Patay lang ang walang pag-asa”
Hernani Chua
(Only the dead has no hope)
Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn
You have probably heard hundreds of stories about great people who, at one point in their lives, kept failing and failing and yet never ceased to try again. Thomas Edison (light bulb), Colonel Sanders (KFC), Oprah Winfrey, to name a few. These are people who became greats because not only did they have the passion to keep going and not give up, but they also used their past mistakes and failures to learn and try again.
They say that we learn from our mistakes. That is true. Failing is the best teacher because it teaches us what our weaknesses are, it shows us our vulnerabilities, and it gives us the opportunity to be humble. And as long as we are are able to take the lessons that come with failing, then we can never really lose. So take what you have learned and try again.
And the next time you fail at something, ask yourself, “what is this trying to teach me?”.
You’re failing? That’s good. That means you’re doing something.
Some dude in the shower, talking to himself
What it really means to fail forward
By now you must be confused as to what the hell I’m trying to say. Am I saying that it’s okay to settle with just failing? Am I saying that you shouldn’t do even try at all because you will eventually fail?
No.
What I’m trying to say is that we should accept that failing is part of the process, that we will fail at some point, but we should still strive to do our best regardless. We should dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, and love like we’ve never been hurt before.
And the sooner we welcome failure and use it to our advantage, the sooner we will become better at what we are doing and the easier it is to move forward.
Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the will to go on regardless how afraid you are.
Me to me
By the way, this is me talking to myself the entire time. Consoling myself because, as I have mentioned in this post, I have screwed up my previous server and along with it all my previous data. I failed trying to learn the ways of a server admin, and that’s okay. I can always try again. And here I am.
What about you? How do you deal with your failings and mistakes? Let me know in the comments.
Cheerio!